He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
