i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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