I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
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i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
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I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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