He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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