dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
