Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
