Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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