So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
