The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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