thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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