Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
