is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The uberlube is also flammable
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
