A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
