Having a random hookup so left but love u
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
