Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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