is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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