I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You are the jesus of drinking
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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