the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
