By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
