90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
