Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
