just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Couch. On fire.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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