Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
