Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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