they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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