Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
