to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
