I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Actions speak louder than pants.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
