I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
