Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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