Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
