I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
