I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
