You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
