If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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