I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I need water and some morals
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
