we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
