Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
