I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
