He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
