playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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