I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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