someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize