eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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