I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
