i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
pray to the hookup gods
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So here I am, sexting at work.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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