the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
