...so i touched it.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
