its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
