whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
