We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
