You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
