If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dignity is for republicans.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
