He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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