Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
