# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
