so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
