Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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