Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
