OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
