if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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