You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
