What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
