In America we eat man semen.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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