Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
