I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
