Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
